Category Archives: Stories… both mine and others

Something New

new-and-improved

We all have thoughts about changing are lives. Especially if we hate our jobs. I think I hate my job. Ok hates a strong word.  Frustrated, bored , tired of, over it,  kill me now . You know,  ‘I Need Something New’. I am reminded of that fact every morning about a half hour into my work day.  So I begin to imagine a different future. A new and improved or at least updated version of me. I imagine things like, ‘ I’m  going back to school ‘or  ‘I should have never stopped playing the guitar’ or ‘I’m going to buy a motorcycle’ . After lunch I start getting a little more practical ‘I think I’m gonna  take some online classes at night’  or ‘I’m going to join a gym’ or I’m definitely going to  start eating better’. But by the time I’m leaving work it’s usually down to , “tonight I’m only gonna have 2 beers.”

Old Dog

wife and husband drawings 1

I recently texted my wife about an article I was reading entitled ’13 things to do with the clitoris.

Is it clitoris or cliTORris. Clitoris sounds like the action your tongue or fingers might do across it. Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris. I’ve seen porn where it looks like they’re strumming a banjo for Christ sake. . Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris. …….cliTORris , now that sounds like a surgical tool. Scalpel, sponge, cliTORris. I’m not sure.

Now I’ve been married  32 years and like many long term relationships, sex gets …well you know, it’s there if you want it and sometimes it  can become like exercise equipment you own . You have a lot invested in it, it still looks good but, the new season of Orange is the New Black is amazing and there’s cake in the fridge.

So I text my wife this article and I don’t hear anything back.  Normally she might not look at her phone for a while but we just got these iPhone 6s and if there is any chance to interact with the most amazing phone in the world, she will ……..But I get no response…the rest of the day …or that night when I got home.  But there was cake.

The weekend comes around and we worked in the yard all day because I chose a career path that doesn’t include a gardener

 Finally, we’re  on the deck having a beer, admiring the days accomplishments and my wife blurts out, ” #7 and #10….”.  

“Excuse me?”

“The article, #7 and #10. Let’s start with those.”

I immediately whip out my phone for a refresher course and I see that  #7 and #10 are two of the more tamer ones. #10 is just called Lip Service … very straight forward and I’m sure effective,   but I mention #2 which is called The Alphabet…… She gives me the look ,   ” Let’s just start with some vowels .. Besides, Game of Thrones is on tonight.”